Published by Pearson Business (December 12, 2022) © 2023
Richard TemplarA personal code to think yourself smarter, wiser and happier
We all envy the natural thinkers of this world. They have the best ideas, make the smartest decisions, are open minded and never indecisive.
Is there something they know that the rest of us don't? Is it something we can all learn? The answer is a resounding yes. They know The Rules of Thinking.
These Rules are the guiding principles that show you how to make wiser decisions, stop procrastinating, know when to compromise, avoid mistakes, find other options, think well with others, stop obsessing about things, keep your brain active, be more creative, and have happy, healthy thoughts.
Rules for staying sane
1 Relax
2 No one is perfect
3 Be content
4 Know what you're good at
5 Almost any rule can be broken occasionally
6 Don't try to do everything
7 You don't have to follow every piece of advice you get (including this one)
8 It's normal to want to escape
9 You're allowed to hide from your kids
10 Parents are people too
11 Don't ignore your relationship with your partner
Attitude Rules
12 Love is not enough
13 Every recipe needs different ingredients
14 Anything extreme is almost certainly wrong
15 Look pleased to see them
16 Treat your child with respect
17 Enjoy their company
18 It's not about you – it's about them
19 Being tidy isn't as important as you think
20 Good parenting is calculated risk taking
21 Keep your worries to yourself
22 See things from their point of view
23 Parenting is not a competitive sport
24 Never emotionally blackmail them
Everyday Rules
25 Let them get on with it
26 Let them go (wild)
27 Teach them to think for themselves
28 Use praise wisely
29 Make sure they know what's important
30 Show them how to lose
31 Know the value of boundaries
32 Bribery doesn't have to be bad
33 Moods are catching
34 You're setting their eating patterns for life
35 Communicate
36 Set clear targets
37 Don't be a nag
Discipline Rules
38 Present a united front
39 Carrots beat sticks
40 Be consistent
41 Lighten up
42 Focus on the problem, not the person
43 Don't paint yourself into a corner
44 If you lose your temper, you're the loser
45 Apologise if you get it wrong
46 Let them back in
47 The right of expression
Personality Rules
48 Find what incentives work for your child
49 Every child should have something they know they're good at
50 Learn to appreciate the qualities that remind you of someone else
51 Look for the similarities between you
52 Find qualities to admire in them
53 Let them be better than you
54 Their attitude is as important as their achievements
55 Keep your fears and insecurities to yourself
56 Mind your programming
57 Don't try to have a perfect child
Sibling Rules
58 Give them each other
59 Recognize that squabbling is healthy (within reason)
60 Teach them to sort out their own arguments
61 Work as a team
62 Let them entertain each other
63 Never compare children with each other
64 Different children need different rules
65 Don't have a favourite
66 Mix and match
67 Find each child's strengths
School Rules
68 Schooling isn't the same as education
69 School comes as a package
70 Fight your child's corner
71 Bullying is always serious
72 Teach them to stand up for themselves
73 Put up with friends of theirs you don't like
74 Remember you're their parent, not their teacher
75 Don't mollycoddle them
76 Let up the pressure
77 They have to live with their choices (and it's OK)
Teenage Rules
78 Don't panic
79 Remember Newton's Third Law
80 Give them a voice
81 Don't look under the mattress
82 Running round after them doesn't help anybody
83 Don't stand in front of a speeding train
84 Yelling isn't the answer
85 Let them have the last word
86 Everything comes with strings
87 Show some respect for the things they care about
88 Adopt a healthy attitude to sex
Crisis Rules
89 Don't use your kids as ammunition
90 Let them cope in their own way
91 Being younger doesn't necessarily speed everything up
92 The aftershock can last forever
93 Tell them what's going on
94 Teach them to fail successfully
95 It's better to agree than to be right
96 All of your actions speak louder than any of your words
97 Make sure they know they're priority no. 1
98 You can't fix everything
Grown-up Rules
99 Back off
100 Wait until they ask for advice
101 Treat them as adults
102 Don't try to be their best friend
103 Encourage them regardless
104 You can't choose who your children love
105 Leave the strings off
106 Don't guilt-trip them
107 Remember they still need you
108 It's not your fault
109 Once a parent, always a parent
Rules about your parents
1 Don't put them on a pedestal
2 Let them be grandparents
3 Don't ask too much of them
4 Don't guilt-trip them – even by mistake
5 Learn to share
6 They're new to this too
7 Understand that they don't come from the same place as you
8 Any grandparent is better than no grandparent
9 Don't bad-mouth them in front of the kids
10 They love you just like you love your kids